I am a 25 year old man who faced abused from a woman who i thought she loved me. The hardest part is we have a son together who witnessed the abuse unfolding. I tried to shield him from the whole incidents by taking him to his grandparents, but due to what he saw i believe he is going to be emotional scared for a very long time. I have taken to going to a shrink.The whole process is very taunting and embarrassing as i have to talk to a female shrink about my problems.
In an attempt to heal from the whole both physical and emotional abuse i have written a page about it and you can find it here( copy the link to your browser if http:// www.hubpages.com/hub/abused-man. Seconds after i wrote a got a comment from Justiville who was very sympathetic.I would like to thank the gentleman about his comments and i hope god bless him.
I for one has been unfortunate enough to have been involved in spousal abuse. The whole process is more painful than you can imagine. I have decided to blog about this in a way that it will help in the healing process.
TODAY 05/12/2010
First thing i am going to do when i wake up in the morning is to go see my son and take him fishing in the afternoon. I am going to try to focus on how to get him to not resent his mother but to adore her as nothing will change that. I have in the past couple of months seen him avoiding her and it pains me so much because i dont want him to grow without her. Sometimes i tend to understand how the whole process must be hurting him as well.
looking back in the past he used to be very energetic and he used to ride his bicycle in the pavement in front of our house, now he just sits in front of the TV the whole day and do nothing. Numerous times i have tried to cheer him up and only got no response.My mother with whom i left him with is growing wary of him.
She always says that if only god can take her after her grandchild is well, and has moved past what has happened.
As you can deduce abuse affects everyone around you and always lives a horrible mark on any individual. The pain is again unbearable i will try and write again when i fell better, probably tomorrow.....
06/12/2010
Today been Monday was really bad for me. I woke up feeling weak, probably Monday blues. I called my father who is in Alaska on a mission there. Thinking of my father kinda always cheers me up. Every time I ask him what his mission were he always gave the same answer " Son, don't ask me too many questions, your mother is giving hard times as it is".
I guess maybe it was a way to be by himself. Anywhere my work mate showed up with a bottle of champagne and some cigars. So to forget my sorrows I implied that instead of drinking in the house it will be wise to go local pub and drink there.
The truth is I just didnt want to be inside the house anymore. It always will remind me of the horrors that unfolded there,. No one at my work knew what was happening or happend with me and my spouse. Everytime someone brought up the toppic i will find a way to divert the convasation to something elsse.
I knew talking to someone will help, but i just couldn't bear the thought of them laughing at me. I guess most people believe that masculinity is judged by intimidation that result into submissiveness of the woman.
Maybe the correlation between love and insanity isn't that different,
Well I was not raised anything like that, I was told that love is the most important thing in this world.
Love springs from the heart and will never be affected or influenced by external forces.
I guess that this it for today as I just dont know what really happend after the pub . I still have a hangover. If i remember something or even dream about what happend at the pub i will write about next time
Ta for now...
09/12/2010
This past two days have been the worst for me. I have not been able to write this blog due to the fact that I have been in jail. The first thing I did when I got out was to go see if my son was well. You know I am starting to hate the fact that he was even born.
First he has witnessed his father getting abused by a woman, then to top it all his mother walks out on him and does not even call or leave a message.
If she was a man I believe her excuse will have been that its not her child, but unfortunately she gave birth to the child. God, I Hate What She Did To Us.
You have to admit that she has the nerves of steel, i mean to abandon your child like this!. He cries every day asking where is his mommy, most of the times i have to lie saying she is overseas on bussiness. Sooner he is gonna realise that what I have been telling him all this times is just hogwash.
How I got in JAIL : I woke up Monday morning feeling drowsy and lightheaded, probably the hangover. I walked downstairs to my son's bedroom to check if he was still sleeping. After that I walked to the kitchen to make us breakfast. just about when i was about to get the coffer container from the top shelves I saw a police van stopped in front of my house. I immediately assumed maybe they were going to the house across the street. The front door bell rang, I answered it and it was a policeman. He told me that I was under arrest for t trespassing. I kept quiet while they led me to the holding cells. I asked the detective there why I was incarnated and he told me that my spouse has made a case on me that I refused to get out of her house. To say the least, the house is mine, I bought it CASH,second if she wanted the house all that she could have done was to ask and I will have given it to her free of charge.
Why you might ask, : that house has ugly memories, second if the house ment so much to her that she never thought twice about lying to the police to get the house, and get me arrest and leaving a small child alone:, i will have done it without blinking. My son means a lot to me and nothing will ever change that
The detective told me that i will be in jail for a couple of days while investigated the charges. While I was there i kept asking myself, what about my abuse case, does it not amount to anything that they can arrest me on false charges. Man I hated been there, it was horrible, stinking and i will not wish anyone to go there.
I am very tired and sleepy.
16/12/2010
Its been a couple of days without me attending to this documentary. I have to admit that my life is termol. Today is my sisters weeding and I am even embarrassed to go to the weeding. I am sure this is going to be a big disappointment to her, but I am going to explain my actions to her very soon. For the past four days my physiologist told me that i have to refrain from anything that might cause me to stress this included writing this blog. This has not been helpful in any way and has caused me to hit the booze again.
My son means the world to me that is why i have asked my parents to look after him for a while so that i can sort my life. If you have never faced abuse in your life you have to consider yourself lucky. Abuse is the most painful thing you can imagine and it always cause self doubt. You assume and will believe that you deserve the abuse. Most people will even tell you that its impossible for a man to get abused by a woman, well i have to say yes, and no.
YES because man are naturally physical strong therefore intimidation will prevent a woman from abusing man.
NO because, unlike in the olden days woman nowadays are liberated and some will take advantage of any situation including the loop hole in the justice system. I mean some woman will put make up to imitate bruises due to physical abuse so that you can be sent to jail.
Today been my sisters weeding and seeming like I am not gonna be able to attend I am going to first to so out our IRS tax. My IRS tax lawyers informed me of the fact if I don't pay my taxes I might face a jail sentence.
Life for me is starting to become unbearable. I even want to commit suicide. I know that this is not going to solve anything but i believe that if i can end my life my son wont see his father suffering anymore and will be raised by his lovely grandparents. I have already bought the rope and i know very well where i am going to do it.
TO WHOEVER MIGHT BE READING THIS BLOG, IF IN FOUR DAYS I HAVE NOT UPDATED THE CONTENTS OF THIS BLOG, I BELEIVE BY THEN I WILL HAVE COMMITED SUICED. REMEMBER THIS: LOVE AND CHERISH ONE ANOTHER AND REFRAIN FROM ABUSIVE LANGUAGE OR ABUSE IN GENERAL. GOODBYE AND GOOD LUCK
